First of all I prefer not to write. Anything. Most of the time. Pretty much all of the time. I feel much more comfortable within the realm of visual and verbal communication. But in order to prevent Brian from ghost-writing a blog for me; and being that I am under a severe creativity block in regards to shooting images, I will attempt to tackle the daunting task of sharing a glimpse into my heart and thoughts on our India and Sri Lanka visits thru writing.

 

I left India disappointed in my photographs. But more in love with the country than ever. (I spent two weeks in India two years ago). My heart has fallen for the people and their landscapes, but I struggle to photograph the moments I want to capture and save. My mind is in constant battle between absorbing and living within my surroundings or just experiencing them thru a viewfinder and later my Mac computer screen. So my last sentence is a bit melodramatic…but I feel torn. A part of me aspires to see and create images that show others the way I see my world; the other part longs to jump in, to be a part, to love, and invest in others. For now I settle somewhere between the two. Never fully able to engage in either; therefore I am never completely satisfied with either.

 

Through my irritation with my self and my work when I feel that I failed to reach the expectations I set, God has been teaching me the difference between His standards and thoughts and mine. Striving for my best is crucial. The AED ministry in Sri Lanka made me think about the concept quality verse quantity. Their mission to provide the best for forgotten children can apply to so much, such as me not hurrying to capture everything. But to have the freedom to step back and shoot what I want to share with the world well.

 

I’m realizing I do not need to capture everything, but what I do spend my time on should be my heart in an image, my perspective and thoughts coming out in photograph form. I have time to stop and breathe. I have no need to rush to get everything. Or agonize when I failed to take the image that I have sitting in the back of my mind.

 

As I begin my time in Africa I hope to push myself to create and capture to the best of my abilities, without overbearing expectations that just seem to overwhelm me. I want the images I take here to be an extension of what I experience…and not the epitome of my experience in Africa. I am finally feeling comfortable to shoot for myself and let my mind rest knowing that I will do my best to communicate what I see an not what I think I thought I would get or what others may want to see from me.